Shit Canned Stories, The Series, Pt. 2: Vage Stylee

Straight from the Notorious V.A.G.E.

Mornin’ Betches,

I too have been on the piss for the past five days. A synopsis;

Wednesday, drinking and BBQing with my dad in Burlington

Thursday, drinking and gardening with Lisa and my mom in Burlington. Evening activities, ice cream at Marble Slab in Oakville. Tasty. Also, first three episodes of Generation Kill. Amazing! Best line: (to Iraqi in dashiki thing): “Hey buddy, it’s ten in the morning, don’t think you it’s time you changed out of your pajamas?”

Friday, drinking on balcony with alcoholic buddies from the Sault, drinking at coke party on deck above circa with Hells Angels and downtown bar staff delinquents, eating roti at Alberts

Saturday, skateboarding, drinking and BBQing in Don Mills, watching the Great Outdoors and drinking, drinking at the Tap with coked out alcoholics from Sault, drinking and watching coked out strippers at the House of Lancaster

Sunday, hanging out with Snyders and drinking, drinking at punk rock show.

Monday, recovering

Today, still recovering.

A New Series: Shit Canned Stories: Pt. 1. Stormin' Mormon

Last night, after I was done talking to the random strange guy from the bar who followed me to the convenience store (maybe I invited him to tag along, not really sure - either way, he told me he was homeless, living at Covenant House... I made him recite the address to prove that this was true... then I think I gave him $10 and jumped in my cab to go home), I couldn't find the cab chit that Pretty Like a Movie Star had apparently just given me (found it this morning - in my clutch, obv) I had to get the driver to pull over at the bank, where two GIANT police officers were hanging out... they held the door for me while I stumbled around which was amazing... and then I did a cannonball into my bed, fully dressed - minus shoes, thank god - and promptly announced to the talent that I was shitfaced and about to puke. He ran around half-asleep trying to find a)a pail for me to puke in (false alarm - thank god), and b)my cat (OBV - what else do I scream for when I'm drunk?)